Jaya and I celebrated Ayden’s 13th birthday in Heaven with our traditional pineapple pizza. Why pineapple pizza? —— Because it was my last meal with Ayden. —— Last year I made a break through with forgiving myself for him not being here with us on this Earthly plane. —— But this year I faced a new challenge. My mom and I always check up on each other on this day. —— She held my hand as I was pushing, knowing my son would not come out crying. —— She was there when the nurse told me it could be 45 minutes more or longer and I looked over to her at my right side and said I wasn’t sure I could hold on that much longer and she squeezed my hand harder. —— She was there that day and in the aftermath. —— She hurt just as much as me if not more. Her and my dad lost their first grandchild, but also witnessed their daughter go through the hardest thing she had ever endured, losing her first child. —— She was my only family member that was there that checked up on me and kept Ayden’s memory very much so alive. —— I am grateful for those moments and having my first year without that phone call is a sad one indeed. —— I definitely cried today, but not for long as my best friend reminded me that my mom is with Ayden and they are definitely celebrating. —— I remember my mom holding Ayden, the sadness and sorrow we all felt in that hospital room was immense. —— But tonight at church as I was praying I saw her holding Ayden in her arms and both of them smiling. I cried tears of happiness, because I know they both are at peace. —— Then Jaya told me how much she loves me and that Ayden loves me even more because he has been with me the longest and that she’s a bit jealous because he can see everything and he is so proud of me and so is my mom. —— This child! I love her so! She helps me live in victory, which is perfect because Jaya means victory. —— Here’s to us all living in more victory, peace and love! XOXO —— #remember #heal #peace #love #victory #childloss #birthday #heaven #fulltermstillborn
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